The Kitchen of Mirth presents
A Pudding-pye

An old rich Tanner, with a beggerly minde, did use Hartfourd Market constantly every Weeke, for the time of 28 Yeeres, to buy and sell Hides; in all which space hee never changed his price for diet or expences, either for his Horse or himselfe; whose Horse-meate was to be tied up to an empty Racke, for which one pennie paid for his standing, and another penny the Tanner spent upon himselfe in a Pinte of Beere, and a halfe-penny loafe, so two pence in the Totall was his constant expences every Market-day for so long a time: till at last as hee passed alongst the Streete, he espied a Wench that sold hot Pudding-pies, and presently his chapps began to water, so that his quicke Eye and liquorish Tooth made him turne prodigall so farre as to waste a pennie upon himselfe for a Pudding-pie, which he put in his Handkerchiefe, and carried to his Inne, with a purpose to feast his carkasse. So being set alone in a Roome, hee call'd for a whole pot of Beere, which the Maide drew, and was carrying it to him: but meeting her Dame or Mistris by the way, shee asked her to whom that Beere was fill'd? for the old Tanner said the Maide, whereat the Mistris call'd her forgetfull Baggage, that had forgotten his usuall Diet, to bee but a pinte of Beere, and a Halfe-pennie loafe: The Maid reply'd, that hee had bought a Pudding-pie, and would make that serve instead of Bread, and therefore hee would spend a whole pennie in Drinke. So it was carried to the Tanner, who sate (repentingly) looking upon his Pie; the whilst the Hostesse went into another roome, where there were some merry fellows drinking, to whom shee told how the Tanner had altered his custome and diet, and that hee was in such a Roome alone with his Pot and his Pudding-pie before him: whereat one of the fellows start up, and swore, the old miserable Hound should have small joy of it; so away went he to the Tanner, (who as yet had neither touch'd Pie or Pot) to whom he said, by your leave Father, I am bold to looke into your Roome, for my selfe with some friends are basely us'd in this House, for they fill us such scurvy dead drinke, as a man would bee asham'd to wash his Boots with it: Now you being an old Guest of the House, I would taste if your Beere bee better, and with that hee tooke up the Pot, and dranke all off, set it on the Boord againe, saying, I thought (old man) that you were in favour with mine Hostesse, and I perceive it now by the goodnesse of the Liquor: Oh but said the Tanner, you have drunk up all, then call for more said the other; but who shall pay (quoth the Tanner?) hee that's best able quoth the fellow; Thou art a sawcy fellow (said the Tanner) and little better than a Cheater, to come into my roome and drinke up my drinke thus basely, and therefore tell me thy Name: The fellow told him, his Name was Gurley; Gurley said the Tanner? there was a Rascall of thy Name that stole a Mare from me three yeere agoe, that I could have hang'd him for it if I would: With that the fellow clap'd his hand on the boord, and said, Old man, that Gurley was my Cousin, and hee was the most desperate Fellow that England red, and did care no more for stealing your Mare, than I doe at this time for eating your Pudding-pie, and with those words hee suddainly snach'd up the Old Tanners Pie, and greedily (knavishly) devoured it at two or three mouthfulls, leaving the miserable Tanner in a mad, hungry, and thirsty anger, without either Beere or Pudding-pie for his two-pence. So Gentlemen, much good may it doe you with your Pudding-pie.

  • A Pudding-pye. Source: Taylor, John. Taylor's Feast. London: Printed by J. Okes dwelling in little St. Bartholmews, 1638
"Liquorish," often spelled lickerish, meant greedy; it refers to someone who greedily "licks up" all their food.

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