A Pudding-pye
An
old rich Tanner, with a beggerly minde, did use Hartfourd
Market
constantly every Weeke, for the time of 28 Yeeres, to buy and sell
Hides;
in all which space hee never changed his price for diet or expences,
either
for his Horse or himselfe; whose Horse-meate was to be tied up to an
empty
Racke, for which one pennie paid for his standing, and another penny
the
Tanner spent upon himselfe in a Pinte of Beere, and a halfe-penny
loafe,
so two pence in the Totall was his constant expences every Market-day
for
so long a time: till at last as hee passed alongst the Streete, he
espied
a Wench that sold hot Pudding-pies, and presently his chapps began to
water,
so that his quicke Eye and liquorish Tooth made
him
turne prodigall so farre as to waste a pennie upon himselfe for a
Pudding-pie,
which he put in his Handkerchiefe, and carried to his Inne, with a
purpose
to feast his carkasse. So being set alone in a Roome, hee call'd for a
whole pot of Beere, which the Maide drew, and was carrying it to him:
but
meeting her Dame or Mistris by the way, shee asked her to whom that
Beere
was fill'd? for the old Tanner said the Maide, whereat the Mistris
call'd
her forgetfull Baggage, that had forgotten his usuall Diet, to bee but
a pinte of Beere, and a Halfe-pennie loafe: The Maid reply'd, that hee
had bought a Pudding-pie, and would make that serve instead of Bread,
and
therefore hee would spend a whole pennie in Drinke. So it was carried
to
the Tanner, who sate (repentingly) looking upon his Pie; the whilst the
Hostesse went into another roome, where there were some merry fellows
drinking,
to whom shee told how the Tanner had altered his custome and diet, and
that hee was in such a Roome alone with his Pot and his Pudding-pie
before
him: whereat one of the fellows start up, and swore, the old miserable
Hound should have small joy of it; so away went he to the Tanner, (who
as yet had neither touch'd Pie or Pot) to whom he said, by your leave
Father,
I am bold to looke into your Roome, for my selfe with some friends are
basely us'd in this House, for they fill us such scurvy dead drinke, as
a man would bee asham'd to wash his Boots with it: Now you being an old
Guest of the House, I would taste if your Beere bee better, and with
that
hee tooke up the Pot, and dranke all off, set it on the Boord againe,
saying,
I thought (old man) that you were in favour with mine Hostesse, and I
perceive
it now by the goodnesse of the Liquor: Oh but said the Tanner, you have
drunk up all, then call for more said the other; but who shall pay
(quoth
the Tanner?) hee that's best able quoth the fellow; Thou art a sawcy
fellow
(said the Tanner) and little better than a Cheater, to come into my
roome
and drinke up my drinke thus basely, and therefore tell me thy Name:
The
fellow told him, his Name was Gurley; Gurley said the
Tanner?
there was a Rascall of thy Name that stole a Mare from me three yeere
agoe,
that I could have hang'd him for it if I would: With that the fellow
clap'd
his hand on the boord, and said, Old man, that Gurley was my
Cousin,
and hee was the most desperate Fellow that England red, and did
care no more for stealing your Mare, than I doe at this time for eating
your Pudding-pie, and with those words hee suddainly snach'd up the Old
Tanners Pie, and greedily (knavishly) devoured it at two or three
mouthfulls,
leaving the miserable Tanner in a mad, hungry, and thirsty anger,
without
either Beere or Pudding-pie for his two-pence. So Gentlemen, much good
may it doe you with your Pudding-pie.
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James
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